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![\"Beverly](\"https:\/\/www.miraclecenter.org\/images\/people\/big\/newbev.JPG\")
<\/p>\nby Beverly McNeff
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When our son Jeffrey was about six years old, he came home from school and in the process of getting a snack said that his best friend Joshua had said to him, \u201cMy brother asked me why you were such a girl.\u201d I was astonished that Josh\u2019s brother (who was also a friend of Jeffrey\u2019s) could be so mean, but I didn\u2019t want my judgment to rub off on Jeffrey, so I calmly asked him how this all happened. He told me that since we had put some Care Bear stickers on his book, Josh\u2019s brother, Drew, saw it and made the comment. <\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you say when Josh asked you that?\u201d I questioned him, looking for any sign of hurt in his face or voice. Surprisingly, I found no hurt feelings as Jeffrey replied, \u201cNothing. Cause I\u2019m not a girl. I guess those stickers are what girls play with, but I still like them.\u201d Then he went off to play.<\/p>\n
Jeffrey didn\u2019t let Drew\u2019s prejudice become his problem. I, on the other hand, was ready to call his parents and \u201cdo battle\u201d with this judgmental, intolerant little boy in order to protect my son. It was clear, though, my son needed no defense. Jeffrey knew who he was and had no need to defend his choices. <\/p>\n
In A Course in Miracles<\/em> we read, \u201cThe best defense, as always, is not to attack another\u2019s position but rather to protect the truth.\u201d (T3.I.2) Jeffrey knew who he was. The Care Bear stickers did not define him nor did a comment by another child. Without saying a word, he simply focused on the truth of who he was and saw no need to get upset or attack back.<\/p>\n Since then I learned that Josh and Drew\u2019s dad was homophobic. In comments to me, he had expressed his concern about his boys and he was worried that they weren\u2019t tough enough. My desire to \u201cdo battle\u201d was transformed into a desire to be truly helpful. In subtle ways, I shared my feelings that we, as parents of boys, are here to help them become gentle-men who are secure enough in themselves to be understanding and compassionate. As time went on, I saw this dad become more supportive of his son\u2019s choice to take hip hop dance classes and his other son\u2019s choice to play with dolls.<\/p>\n Had I taken offense, I would not have experienced this miracle. The Course reminds us that all attack is really self-attack. We do not attack the other person but rather the projection we have placed on the other person. Drew attacked Jeffrey because of the dynamic of projection from his own dad. It really had nothing to do with Jeffrey. Once Drew\u2019s dad could release his fear and focus on acceptance, he no longer needed to project fear onto his son, who then no longer would need to project that fear onto any other child. <\/p>\n If we can realize that all attack, whether it be a subtle, snide remark or outright viciousness, is really more about the person making the comment than the person to whom the comment is being addressed, we can break the cycle of fear and attack.<\/p>\n Everyone has a back-story…those behind-the-scene stories that can explain why we do or don\u2019t do things in life. It\u2019s impossible to know everyone\u2019s back-story and even when we think we do, we still don\u2019t. The fact is our ego\u2019s desire to project our guilt onto others in hopes of getting rid of it is the name of the game. The problem is those who project their guilt never escape the effect of guilt, for no one can attack another and not feel justified in attack themselves.<\/p>\n Years ago popular speaker and Religious Science minister Terry Cole-Whitaker wrote a book entitled What You Think of Me is None of My Business<\/em>. The title says it all. No one can validate or diminish our worth. The Course tells us our worth is guaranteed by God \u2013 that is our real back-story. When we begin to practice this truth, we can take the world with a lighter touch. We can walk away from comments or be a little more like Teflon and let the comments slide off. <\/p>\n It takes willingness and vigilance to live a peaceful, happy life regardless of what others say or do, but we do not face this task alone. We have constant help from the Holy Spirit the instant we turn within and focus our attention on the truth instead of the lie. As the Course tells us, \u201cThis world will change through you. No other means can save it, for God’s plan is simply this: The Son of God is free to save himself, given the Word of God to be his Guide, forever in his mind and at his side\u2026 He is not led by force, but only love. He is not judged, but only sanctified.\u201d (WB lesson 125). <\/p>\n Let us feel this presence by protecting the truth of who we all are and stop the cycle of attack that keeps this world spinning and us in a dizzy fog. Focus on your worth and value and that of all God\u2019s children. Let us affirm for everyone, \u201cSpirit am I, a holy Son of God, free of all limits, safe and healed and whole, free to forgive, and free to save the world.\u201d (Lesson 97)<\/p>\n Read or Receive The Holy Encounter<\/a><\/p>\n Respond to Beverly’s Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Beverly McNeff When our son Jeffrey was about six years old, he came home from school and in the process of getting a snack said that his best friend Joshua had said to him, \u201cMy brother asked me why … Continue reading